Once Upon A Time
by MaygraRatings: Mature Adult
Pairing: Sam/Dean
(847 words)
Many, many thanks to Bone and Raynedanser for their beta and editing assistance.
The characters and situations portrayed here are not mine, they belong to the WB. This is a fan authored work and no profit is being made. Please do not link to this story without appropriate warnings. Please do not archive this story without my permission.
Once upon a time, Sam thought apologies meant something; that anything regretted should be apologized for and sometimes you should apologize for things you didn't regret.
From the moment he understood the circumstances of his mother's death, Sam thought he had something to apologize for.
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Once upon a time, Dean hung the moon and the stars, knew everything, and didn't get mad at Sam if he got crumbs from his peanut butter sandwiches in the bed they shared. Dean wouldn't let him apologize.
Even bed bugs have to eat, Sammy, he'd say, and tickling would ensue.
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Once upon a time, when Dad would tell Sam to do something and wasn't willing to explain why, Dean would, without hardly ever saying, "Because Dad said so."
I just want to know why. I'm sorry.
I know. It's okay. Don't apologize.
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Once upon a time, when Sam was old enough to handle a gun (unloaded) and had to learn how to strip and clean it, Dean would do it with him and they would race so it became more of a game than a chore or a lesson.
When Sam actually learned to shoot a gun, his father would encourage him to beat Dean's score, but Sam always wanted to match it. Never worse. Never better.
You can do better, Sam.
I'll try, Dad. Sorry.
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Once upon a time, when playful wrestling shifted to serious hand-to-hand combat, Dean would always applaud Sam when he was left with bruises or out of breath.
God, Dean. I'm sorry. Are you okay?
You did great, Sammy. Don't apologize. Let's try for three out of five.
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Once upon a time, when Dean once again tried to shove Sam out of the way like he always did when something nasty got too close, Sam shoved back and took out the nasty with two bullets, dead on. Dean hit him and called him stupid. Sam hit him back. Neither of them apologized.
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Once upon a time, Sam earned a scholarship to Stanford and told his father he was going to school and there was nothing John could do to stop him.
Dean said nothing, even after their father had stalked off, until he was alone with Sam watching him pack.
You could have said something, Sam.
Would it have made a difference? Look Dean, I'm sorr--
I don't want to hear it.
And he hadn't.
Sam said it to the empty room anyway.
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Once upon a time, Sam came back to his apartment and back to his girlfriend, only to see her die a bloody and burning death in front of him.
Afterwards, after Dean had pulled him away from the fire and the death, when Sam was starting to go numb from shock, he thought he heard Dean tell him over and over;
I'm sorry.
Sam didn't want his apologies.
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Once upon a time, Dean stood between Sam and a creature of fire, ready to destroy it, and Sam stopped him.
I'm sorry, Mary said and was gone again.
She didn't apologize to Dean and Sam thought maybe he should.
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Once upon a time, Sam shot his brother full in the chest with rock salt, then pulled the trigger on an empty gun. Four times.
He tried to apologize.
Dean didn't want to hear it.
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Once upon a time, their father called after too long missing and Sam had questions and John had orders and Dean had issues. None of them really got resolved. Sam accused Dean of being unfeeling and Dean accused Sam of being selfish. Some of it was harsh and some of it was true and in the end neither would apologize and so they parted company.
Later Dean tried to apologize, but couldn't.
Sam apologized for both of them.
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Once upon a time, Dean was too close to dying and Sam was too close to giving up but between evil and miracles they got a second chance.
Sam was pretty sure third chances were going to be rare and wasn't willing to test the theory.
So when he gripped Dean's arm and spun him around as soon as the motel room door was closed, he apologized.
Then he kissed Dean.
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Once upon a time, the world became as small as a hotel bed, as close as the sheets tangled around their bodies, as quiet as hissed encouragement and muffled moans would allow, and as dark as it could be when their bodies were so close not even light could come between them.
Dean's teeth were sharp and his hands were hard, and Sam was all bones and angles anyway, and the only way he could get Dean close enough was to pull at him roughly and with all his strength and knew he left bruises.
When Dean pressed into Sam's body a little too hard and a little too fast, there was an apology on his lips.
Sam covered Dean's mouth with is own.
He didn't want to hear it.
No apologies necessary.
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~end~
01/14/2006