SPN Recs: One Vid, One Story, Twice as Wonderful
SPN Recs: One Vid, One Story, Twice as Wonderfuleighth-horizon knows how to give a present. I'm just sayin'.
Fair warning: It's a WIP
The story is Immutable Law and this link will take you to the first part (There are 5 planned.) You will have to go to
It's a wonderful, lovely, moving story -- with amazing characterizations of both Dean and Sam and most specifically of a Dean seen through Sam's changed eyes. Anything beyond this point might be considered spoilery for the plot so you can bail now and go read or continue on...
From her notes, she tells you that seraphina had requested story with Wincest, Genderfuck, Girl!Sam, valid reason for Girl!Sam, resolve, 2 smut scenes, one with Girl!Sam/Dean and the other slash...
That doesn't seem to difficult does it? Well, for eighth-horizon it apparently isn't.
People who have been reading her for awhile will recognize some trademark elements -- including, in a painstakingly slow reveal, the nature of the causality for all this, but even if you miss that little Easter egg in the story, you will se something that she does like no one else in fandom that I've read, the underlying adoration Sam and Dean have for one another. I say that instead of Love because that's what this is. Yes, there's lots of love there (and also plenty of snark) but I think if I had to pick a word about what drive
The basic premise is this: Sam is tasked with committing a sin, if you will, in order to save Dean's life. From the start Sam believes that whatever this power is can be overcome by a he and Dean together, but his taskmaster isn't having any of that -- it changes the circumstances and give Sam a deadline. The obstacles are high and difficult, and Sam suddenly finding himself in an unrecognizable form, bewildered and off his stride (literally), is a wonderful, visceral take on the gender-swap genre. Sam is still so essentially Sam and so is dean, when they finally connect, but Sam, now being wholly other, is suddenly aware of parts and behaviors of Dean's that he's never observed before, and one of the coolest things about this story is Barb's ability to delineate the difference between how men perceive men and how women perceive men. It doesn't matter if it's entirely accurate from Real Life, the difference is there and she's got a great handle on it, that's almost as erotic as the sex itself.
As of this posting, the story is not finished and I don't usually rec WIP's but Barb delivers pretty steadily, so, I'm fairly confident she will here too.
It's worth reading and waiting for.
Vid: "From the Bottom of My heart"
Music by the Wallflowers
Vidder killa and Ellen Ross.
Due to some recent events, you'll need to go to this post, here, and email Killa for the password to download this vid.
I also want to say up front, that although I'm sharing credits with Killa on this vid, I shouldn't be. Credit should absolutely go to Ellen Ross if it's to be shared at all.
I can claim absolutely no lack of bias about this vid. I commissioned it, I wanted it, picked the song…and then because I know my limits, I let the real artists do the heavy lifting. All that aside, go get it. It's worth it.
It's a love song in a love song in a love song
I'm not going to promise any kind of objectivity at all to this vid, any more than I could for morgandwn's vid "God Says Nothing Back (previous review). Both of these vids are very near and dear to my heart, mostly because they show a side and an understanding of Sam, his relationship with Dean, with John, and the darkness that hovers around and over all the Winchesters, but Sam especially, that I think often gets overlooked or dismissed.
First, the music:
Believe it or not, I don't actually like everything the Wallflowers do, but I do like a great deal of it, no denying. Killa and I probably listened to a score of songs, some my suggestion, some hers, and I know we both listened to a lot of music on our own that for one reason or another didn't get offered up as even a maybe. I have a strong love for singer-songwriters, for more folksong than pop, for ballads more than hard rock. My own personal writing tracks would likely put a bunch of people to sleep…but this song was the one we kept coming back to in the face of all others. It's a long song for a vid -- close to 5 minutes and that's even after Killa edited out an entire stanza.
Mostly I like the slow build of this song, and there's some beautiful guitar work in this, that really, were the lyrics anything other than what they are, would make a lovely love song. And in a way, it still feels that way to me, although it's probably more along my idea of a love song to Sam, than a love song in the romantic sense. Near the end of the vid there's a pure instrumental bridge that just makes me want to cry, because for all the pain that comes before...there's something about the musical line and the way Killa put in all kind of clips of Sam and Dean being just brothers, being together and laughing, that kind of puts a spark of hope on the sense of dread and fear that precedes it. You can believe, from the music and the clips, that things really will be okay as long as Dean and Sam stick together.
The lyrics:
I won't spend a lot of time on this except to say that lyrics -- words -- are important to me, and when we were talking about this vid, Killa took special note of that, as well as the fact that I really am not as sophisticated a vid viewer as some. I'm utterly willing to be lead by a vid, but most times, you really have to grab my hand and lead me along.
The part that triggered this song for me was the repeated chorus:
From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
There's a lot said about Sam being all emo and angry or dismissive or whatnot. But that line just spoke volumes to me about Sam. Horrible things happen to people all the time, in the series, out of it. Tragedies and accidents, illnesses and losses. But there's got to be a special kind of fear, of terror, that accompanies people who are actual targets of such tragedy. It's one thing to know that evil can touch your life, touch your family. It's another to know that it's actively pursuing you, stalking you, reaching out to grab not randomly, but specifically, for people you love. The whole Winchester family knows that, feels that -- John, Dean, and Sam.
But Sam knows he's the reason why. No matter how many times John or Dean tell him it's not his fault, he's not the cause, Sam's not an idiot. He didn't ask for this, and there's nothing he did to invite it down except being born….and to me that's part of the real tragedy of Sam's life.
The people he loves and who love him are in jeopardy just because he exists. (Hold that thought -- I'll come back to it.)
The Vid:
I should probably just acknowledge that Killa is the creator of at least four of my all time favorite vids in the world. Her Highlander vid, The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove is my favorite vid ever. I kid you not. We bought a Surround sound system for the TV because of that vid.
But this one is edging it over a tad (or possibly kind of squishing it with MD's vid -- crowding it on the shelf as it were. )
With all the vid commentary flying around after Vividcon, it's worth noting that the SPN vidders have only a season's worth of clips to work from. In vidding terms, that's not a lot. And the clips are uniformly dark for the most part, because that's how the show is shot. But it's also worth noting that even with similar themes -- Sam's journey -- and the use of the same musical artist, Killa and MD came up with very different vids. MD's vid focuses on Sam's journey through season one, expectations and memories, past and present and future colliding. Killa's vid, on the other hand, addresses why and how Sam makes that journey, where's it's forced and inevitable and how much he wants to escape it -- in such a way that even Dean probably doesn't under the depth of Sam's desire to be away from it.
Mostly what I get from this vid is that Sam is walking a fine line between thinking there's no way out -- and hi determination to find one. He keeps pressing doggedly forward. He doesn’t see this ending well if it ends at all, and yet he also can't quite give up on the hope that there is some way out of it. I think if/when Sam loses that, it would kill him, either literally or metaphorically.
He tried to find it outside the life he knew, but now that he's back in it, it rests fully on Dean and John to see it through, to make it real. Killa uses a lot of clips of Jessica and Sam, from the fire to the (dream) visit to the cemetery, to leaving her to go with Dean.
But I once crossed a quarter mile
Through black pools of razor wire
And cut through the steel
with the edge of a file
While singing rhapsodies in stride
Killa and I had to talk about the clips illustrating that lyric…and I can be dense, but now that I see it, it makes chills run down my spine. Everything Sam ever wanted was right there. He fought hard at some cost both to himself and to John and Dean, to pursue that dream and it ended in ashes. When I watch the first season, we never again see Sam as happy as he was with Jess. Yeah, grief loosens its hold a little bit as the series progresses, but by the end of the season, he's pretty much close to being back where he started -- with Dean badly, badly injured, the demon still loose and again…as we see in the last episode; it all happens just because Sam is alive, because he exists at all with his gifts and powers, none of which he can control.
From the bottom of my heart
Comes an army of one
Marching back up the steps
Into the rays of the sun
And yet, for all his protestations and arguments, Sam still looks to -- or maybe finally looks to John and Dean as his only hope. They are the only chance he's got -- they are also the only thing left to him of worth in the world. Dean may have been trying to say that all along, but it's a bad bet to put all your hopes and all your happiness in one basket.
I suck at doing clip by clip reviews but some of my favorite moments are:
In the first chorus, (around 1:25) from the bottom of my heart, comes a cold dark feeling when Mary turns away from Sam.
Hell bent and dignified (around 2:48) with the clip from Bloody Mary
there is imminent death, to the promise I'm keeping (3:02) with Sam in the graveyard -- that clip/lyric combination there slays me every damn time. Because that's pretty much the whole crux of it, right there.
Comes an army of one (3:12) With John showing back up -- and we see it there again, that somehow, Sam really wants someone to fix this because he has no idea how.
Marching back up the steps to the rays of the sun (3:19) and here we start with the hope. Sam's smile, Dean's smile, the first musical bridge that underlines all they've been through together and then at the end of the bridge they are back into it.
Everything means nothing, and tonight everything is mine (4:14) With Sam body-slamming Dean into the wall -- and in context this is such a powerful point, with the lyrics it is both breathtaking and heartbreaking. Dean is all Sam's got and maybe, yeah, Dean's always thought that, but it's slipping away from Sam faster than he can catch up. Even if you don't view this vid as slash or even stealth slash, it plays amazingly well to illustrate Sam reaching the end of what he can bear.
From the bottom of my heart, the battle will come (4:30) with Sam and Dean facing off their possessed father and you can see it just tearing Sam apart, not because of who he chose but that he had to.
Then there is the beautiful series of clips with the second musical bridge that brings us back to the hope.
The last three clips of the vid got swapped around a couple of time. I'm not as much attached to the Metallicar as some fans…and as much fun as it is, and as much as Dean loves it, it's Sam who defines Dean, and Dean who defines Sam, and I wanted them visible and triumphant, at the end.
This whole vid speaks so much to how I see Sam, why I sympathize/empathize with him more than I do Dean at times. I firmly believe they can overcome anything as long as they are together….and I know Dean wants that, but both the horror and the hope here, is that while Dean wants it, Sam needs it, needs Dean, and ultimately, it may cost Sam more than he's willing to pay.
So, yeah. It's a love song.
And I love Killa to bits for bringing it to life for me.
From The Bottom Of My Heart
by the Wallflowers
Fire on the porch on a summer's night
All of my things are there inside
Black smoke rise up, burn on burn higher
I smell leaves and burning tires
Dogs in the meadows barking wild
Blackbird rise up, tell me what have you done
I'm not drunk and I'm not sad
There's nothing inside that I want back
Let me touch your lips, let me see where you're at
Do you wonder how I am tonight
Then don't lose time looking in my eyes
Not every tear means you're gonna cry
From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
There is nothing but dust
In the layers I'm peeling
From the bottom of my heart
Beats a rattling drum
Marching back up the steps
Into the rays of the sun
Under crushing skies of grays
Paralyzed with phantom pains
Before this room became just a place
Where I just sleep through endless days
Spinning webs and carving names
Where thoughts break up, exploding in space
But I once crossed a quarter mile
Through black pools of razor wire
And cut through the steel
with the edge of a file
While singing rhapsodies in stride
Hell-bent and dignified
Now my time has come
Who you fooling and why?
From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
There is eminent death
to the promise I'm keeping
From the bottom of my heart
Comes an army of one
Marching back up the steps
Into the rays of the sun
Pale-faces and hollowed eyes
Buried under ruptured skies
Not every smile
means I'm laughing inside
Two-faced and compromised
I've enraptured you with lies
Everything means nothings
and tonight everything is mine
From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
I have buried so much
In the layers I'm peeling
From the bottom of my heart
A battle will come
Marching back up the steps
Into the rays of the sun
From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
Wrapped around tight
With no sign of leaving
From the bottom of my heart
A ballad is sung
Through a whisper she comes
Into the rays of the sun
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